my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
