Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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