drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
