You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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