Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
