im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
