i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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