Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
