Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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