does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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