WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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