The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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