The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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