Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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