The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
