I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
