here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
