I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i would punch a child for taco bell
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
