Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
