Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
