youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
