After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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