i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
