I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
