pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
