while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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