I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
