he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
