Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
