Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
