My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
