the condom got lost in my hair
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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