I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
