dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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