Your face is a jimmy john
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
