I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
