My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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