I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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