the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
