I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's blow job season.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
