ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
