Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
