i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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