Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
