I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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