i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
