youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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