My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
