just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
