all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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