I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
