You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
