I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come on in and take your pants off
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